Black and white and gray…

I don’t mind when people find faults with me. No. Because when I look at myself in the mirror I can easily pinpoint my lackings.. the tangible as well as the intangible ones. But just as I’m more than aware of my vices, I am also quite well acquainted with my virtues, believe you me.

You can call me lazy. You can call me tactless. You can call me “not as social as the next person”. You can call me selfish. You can even say that I don’t posses a lot of common sense and that I can be very stupid at times. Because I know all of that to be very, very true.

But when someone calls me a liar – that in my book is going a bit too far. Everyone can be accused of “white lies”. Say when you tell someone that “Oh thank you so much for inviting us but we can’t make it to your get-together I’m afraid, as we have a previous engagement” when actually you don’t. You just wanted to make a very polite excuse to get out something without offending the other party. Everyone.. and I really DO believe.. everyone does their fair share of white lying.

You see I don’t have problems with making stupid mistakes. I AM human after all and I am NO model of perfection. Yes.. I will definitely be hurt if and when someone proclaims “God..you’re SOOO stupid! How could you DO such a thing???”. I’ll feel as if I’ve seriously let someone down. But I’ll be repentant and I’ll try to learn from that mistake and I’ll try to do better next time. Because being stupid makes me just that.. stupid. It doesn’t make me a mean person. But see.. lying, that too intentionally lying to hurt someone or even to put someone down .. that makes me out to be someone who’s extremely malicious and mean. It makes me out to be someone who has gone out of her way to trample with another person’s feelings and emotions.

Those who have known me for the past 29 years of my life can accuse me of being a LOT of things.. but they have never.. ever..  labeled me with the description above.

Maybe I should be more understanding and forgiving because the accuser in question has known me like what? Less than a year? That too, in sporadic time periods? And that it was difficult for that person to judge a situation without  witnessing it for real? But it still hurts even when I try to think it from the other person’s end. Especially since I had really looked up to that person. As someone who sees the bigger picture. Someone who at least asks for the other side of the story before reaching any conclusions. Someone who doesn’t see the world as purely black and white. Someone who knows that gray areas surely exists in this everyday struggle that we call “life”.

Well… I guess I was proven wrong. And maybe I am better off knowing the hard facts.

That perhaps who I had thought to be someone really close never did reciprocate the same feelings towards me, so I shouldn’t have expected so much of that person in the first place.

And that maybe, it’s safer to be open and free.. to be truly “you”.. with only a few people in your life. We should be so lucky to have at least one person who totally gets you.

And that perhaps “gray” is a colour that maybe only some of us can see at times.

My other half… in the blog world :P

As I’d mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have another active blog named “momentary musings” and that it’s dedicated primarily to all the professional related stuff that I do… articles written for magazines, supplements, etc. But I haven’t been active in the publishing world (sans the virtual one) for quite sometime now… so you could say … that it has become a blog for most of the music-related incidents I encounter as a singer in a band.

Momentary musings is also an outlet for most of my “creative writing” efforts … which are few and far between

Simz City is more of a diary (if you haven’t guessed that already from the posts) .. filled with all my frustrations and rantings … and on the flip side of the coin, contentment and happy times …

I hope you’ll all enjoy my other half.. at least those of you who will feel like reading it of course .. 🙂

Cheers!

Procrastination…is thy name

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” Oh a more irrefutable quote I’ve never read.. sigh

My dust allergy is a little better than the last couple of days… but I think the recent “work” that I got commissioned with is hindering a more.. speedier.. recovery.

I am a copywriter by profession and since last June, I’ve been working as a freelance one as opposed to a full-time one.. in a respectable firm.. foregoing the pleasures of a steady, respectable income. The reason I’d left in the first place was due to the wishful thinking that I’d be leaving the country soon.. for good. So much for that! (I’m back to looking for a full-time job again).

So day before yesterday, I was presented with an opportunity to undertake a work that would be a source of great pride for my country.. and mine as well (for having done it). A long-standing organization/ authority of my country wants to make a compilation album of our most famous patriotic songs.. songs from and about the era of 1971.. that tells of the heartache and loss, of victory and patriotism, and of the human spirit  and determination.

You’re probably thinking… didn’t banglalink just do something similar just a couple of months back? Well yes.. but the difference here is that 1. that particular compilation of songs were pre-war/ victory songs.. inspirational songs that had been mainly written and composed to arouse one’s sense of patriotism.. songs to fuel one’s resolution to fight for what was, in the true sense, freedom of rights and freedom of speech, and 2. this latest selection of songs encompass both the pre and post-war emotions and experiences and will need to be translated into English and recorded in English and then distributed worldwide by 21st of February, which since 1999, has been the International Mother Language Day (as declared by UNESCO). The main idea here is to create awareness amongst people worldwide of the language movement and the immense sacrifice that our country made for such a basic human right.. that many take for granted.. and to appreciate the beauty and the depth of emotion in the lyrics of these amazing songs.

So… guess who has taken the responsiblity of doing the translations? Yes.. yes.. I’m getting handsomely paid but bloody hell!.. this is just not your off-the-beat translation that we’re talking about here! I have to maintain at least a modicum (if not the same degree) of romanticism and also ensure that the end result can be sung in harmony with the same beat and tune as was used with the original Bangla lyrics! No small feat mind you! And I have till Saturday to finish the first 15 lot.. while having to juggle a host of other “to-do’s” over the same time period.. and I JUST CAN’T PUT MY MIND TO IT!!!!

Anyone who’s ever tried to translate a piece or writing from one language to another (be that one of them is your mother tongue) must know that SO much is lost in translation ..about.. 99.5%???

So here I am.. at 1:38 AM in the morning … with a still rather stuffed-nose .. and a very, very, very difficult task ahead of her… simply putting off doing the inevitable… 😦

And blogging about it ..

Sometimes I hate myself…

Rambling…

I’ve been down with a cold the past 3 days.. a result of the fine cloud of dust over the city during this winter… a factor compounded by all the construction work going on around the city .. (can’t really blame them as it becomes a rather difficult task to tackle during the ‘other’ season here.. the wet/rainy season) ..

I’ve also been busy with a cousin’s wedding (on Saif’s side) which’ve been a lot of fun .. Uploaded a picture of the groom in all his regal finery standing with me and Saif .. 🙂 (sorry for the blurred effect!)

For now I NEED to get rid of this cold as I’ve got a busy, busy weekend (begins on Friday here in my country) ahead.

Noticed how the weekends these days tend to be even more busy than the weekdays?

But I’ll ponder over that phenomenon in my next post.. For now I need to go and have a lie down.. this heavy, heavy head is killing me! 😦 .. sniff, sniff

Yes..we CAN multi-task

Can you do your nails and watch a movie at the same time? Oh…I’m sorry…if you are a man…then this question doesn’t apply to you…but you might find this post worth your time anyways…

When I’m on my own…and I’m watching a movie or something on TV…I find it extremely easy to pay attention to whatever is happening on the screen while at the same time…say be painting my toesies …or sewing on a button or something…

If you, by some twist of fate, can be under the serious misconception that I’m not interested in the movie…or I’m not paying it the attention it deserves…well, instead of feeling peeved about it you can always ask me what exactly is going on in my mind…and then, you just might raise your eyebrows at the fact that not only can I summarize the plot…I can even describe what the characters look like..down to the colour of their clothes…

Trust me…as a man…if it’s something extremely hard for you to grasp…just bear with the lacking in you..there is NO lacking in me…maybe the max you can do when it comes to multi-tasking is perhaps watch TV and eat at the same time..anything outside that comfort zone throws you off…please wake up to the fact that your psychological make-up unfortunately doesn’t allow you this wonderful leisure us women so enjoy…

And if you don’t believe me…just try to recall if you’ve ever watched your own mom going furiously at it with her knitting needles while watching her favourite soap on tv…

But no need to pout…God has given you MANY attributes which he has deemed not really useful for us…

All I’m asking is that you appreciate the differences and not necessarily generalize a man’s psychological make-up with that of a woman’s…

You’ll simply sink..each and every time.

Aarrrgghh!

I couldn’t think of a better title for this post..seriously..

Woke up this morning to see that the whole of Dhaka city (yup.. born here.. and most likely dying here as well if my immigrations plans go.. tits up) enveloped under a think blanket of fog…

It has never been this cold around this time of the year in my country…the cold waves, which usually lasts for about a week max, starts knocking at our door around mid-Jan.. sometimes as late as early-Feb. This time the weather is playing havoc with all our ..conceptions 😛 It has been steadily getting colder and colder from mid-Nov this year…

So here I am.. at 12:30 in the afternoon, cozied up in my tiger-printed blanket, on my corner of the bed, sipping on a hot cup of tea.. looking out at the perpetual misty fog outside my bedroom window.. and I’m wearing socks today.. yes, it’s that cold..

It’s also my dad’s birthday and I know we’ll be going out to dinner somewhere nice and cozy.. something I’m really looking forward to.. I always look forward to anything that involves food.. 😀

But this very thing was reminding me of how I’m sometimes torn between being in a million places at the same time. Celebrating my dad or my mom’s birthday.. or that of someone else equally dear to my heart.. is something I will never ever miss. It’s not an obligation.. it’s something which I always look forward to.. because of the love I feel for them.. and also due to the fact that I feel happy and carefree and am at my element, having fun, during such occasions..

But something happened yesterday.. something which tops my “oh-so-very-tiring-and-frustrating-incidents” list. Saif’s cousin.. a fab guy with a fab sense of humour, who’s more like a brother than a cousin (if you can understand the fine nuances between the two).. and who’s come all the way from abroad, is getting hitched this Saturday. Once again, it’s an event I’m really looking forward to.. and all the ladies on the groom’s side.. which includes yours truly.. is going to go over to the bride-to-be’s place on Friday to gift her the wedding shari, along with the rest of the other lovely things in her trousseau. Mind you, this is the first wedding in Saif’s family, since our own .

In the meantime, my mom is hosting a dinner party at her house on Friday. The guests of honour are the siblings of my oldest cousin’s wife.. on my mom’s side.. visiting from abroad. Yes, I can visualize your eyebrows going up trying to make the oh-so-close family connection 😛

I had promised her I’d help her out at the party (way before she’d set a date for it) so I called her up and explained the situation and stated that I’d drop by on Thursday and ready the house for the party the next day, make the dessert (my specialty) and help out during her cooking the main dishes as well. The only glitch being that I won’t be able to attend the main event itself. I also kept trying to remind her that Saif and I had, for the past several months, dutifully attended the majority of the dawats and parties held by my parents as well as our extended family, despite us being on an extremely tight schedule with all our year-end shows. We were due a little respite. From one single party.

But it was to no avail. My mom got all upset and blurted out something around the lines of “Fine don’t come and you don’t need to help out either. It’s a party at my house and my own daughter won’t be there.. “… :S

So finally, I had to plan a rather convoluted schedule…go over to my parent’s on Wednesday night after dinner at Saif’s cousin’s future-in-laws’ (yes there are bound to be back-to-back parties before and after a scheduled wedding).. help my mom out with all the arrangements throughout the whole day on Thursday, then return to my place that night.. then on Friday, after attending the all-girl outing over to the bride-to-be’s, go over to my parent’s again from there for the party.

Not really that much of a crappy-crazy-schedule.. but it turns into one, when you have to live in a city like Dhaka, where these days our infamous traffic jams don’t let up.. not even on a weekend night.. nopity nope.

I have never been so glad as not to be working full-time anywhere at the moment..

Like I said..

Aaarrrgghhhh!

Have you ever wondered…

how the very same person…say…me, you or even one’s next door neighbour…can be so very active and full of determination when tackling a certain task and be a total couch potato…the perfect recipient for “The Laziest Person of the Year” award…when it comes to something else?

Take me for example. I seem to have boundless energy and enthusiasm for say, going to band practice and learning new songs…or cleaning the house. But boy oh boy, when it comes to writing regularly on my blogs…I seem to become a totally different person altogether.

Saif (my hubby) actually made me feel guilty…yes, guilty…for neglecting this and a couple of other things in my life for the past few years or so. I used to paint and draw quite a lot back in my school and university days, and…I’m not boasting here…I was quite good. Maybe not with oils or pastels…as I’ve never dabbled with these mediums…but I was quite accomplished when it came to pencil sketches and water colours. I hardly paint anymore…there’s even a half-finished painting lying in a drawer full of my personal documents…I’d started on the project around ’99…lol..that’s 11 years!

But something deep inside me am sure, mourns the loss of those aspects of my personality…an unconscious part of me perhaps still clings to the hope that I’ll start writing again. Or painting again.

If I had made a conscious decision to close these two chapters of my life for good, I think I would have simply deactivated both of my blog accounts…and I never would have lovingly saved all my precious drawings and paintings from my childhood days in a plastic zip-lock bag.

So here I am…at least making the effort to do something about the writing part. As to taking up the pencil and paint brushes again? Well.. I have asked Saif to buy me a brand new set of water colours and brushes to prod me towards the right direction. I do belive I’m using the absence of these inanimate objects as an excuse .. 🙂

But I am promising myself that the very first thing I will be doing once I become the proud owner of those brushes and that paint box, is to complete that half-done painting of mine and frame the bloody thing…

I hope whoever is reading this post sympathizes or empathizes with my plight and wishes me luck …

Oh…and I’m attaching a recent drawing…an unashamed flaunting of my skills I must say…that I did for the CD sleeve for the debut-album of my hubby’s metal band “SHOCK“..

Not a bad job hey?

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