Family Ties…Untied

I think I had said once before.. that you are a TRULY lucky person if you can find ONE ..just ONE..other person during your entire lifetime who totally gets you. And if that person turns out to be your life-partner.. well then.. you’re not just lucky..you are infinitely blessed. Because face it… there is just so much you can share with your parents or siblings.

I have come to the irrevocable conclusion that childhood has its fair share of all things “Josh!”. You remain wonderfully ignorant of all the family politics and double (even triple) entendres made by members of your family. The older you get, unfortunately, everyone expects you to participate in all things “familial” and then when some sort of trouble brews, you’re expected to take sides… a pitfall ANYONE in their right minds would love to avoid at any cost.

NO human being is perfect. Every single person in ANY given family has their fair share of virtues AND vices. And more often than  not, rather than anyone being either right or wrong, it’s usually a case of a big, bad messy affair of miscommunication, where both parties have failed to understand each other’s point. A misunderstanding has NOTHING to do with anyone being right or wrong… a misunderstanding, in effect, is a VERY grey area and cannot be something SO black and white as being right or wrong.

Sorry am I going around in circles? Much apologies if I sound like a broken record, but all the family-related problems I’ve seen thus far seems to me just that… a very big and a very messy case of misunderstanding…where everyone has their wires crossed…tangled…maybe even shredded to pieces…

And I’ve always been the type of person who wants to avoid all things messy at all costs. One of my new year resolutions this time around was to keep busy with as much work and band-related stuff as possible in order to avoid as many family get-togethers as possible.

Seriously. The further removed you are from each and every scenario, the more easier it is to calmly say ‘Sorry, I wasn’t there, so I really can’t give my opinion on the matter’. I know that sounds extremely selfish (even more so, as it has to do with one’s own family) but well..I HAVE tried the other route… and never DID get ANY positive results/feedbacks/vibes for my efforts.

Other than my immediate family, including the one through my marriage, every other person’s opinion isn’t worth my precious time or my consideration. It’s a lesson learned the hard way.

Sorry. But that’s that. I know a lot of people will say.. “Awh c’mon. These things are constantly happening in every family. Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

But as one good friend always says, “It’s always the little stuff that makes or breaks things.”

Black and white and gray…

I don’t mind when people find faults with me. No. Because when I look at myself in the mirror I can easily pinpoint my lackings.. the tangible as well as the intangible ones. But just as I’m more than aware of my vices, I am also quite well acquainted with my virtues, believe you me.

You can call me lazy. You can call me tactless. You can call me “not as social as the next person”. You can call me selfish. You can even say that I don’t posses a lot of common sense and that I can be very stupid at times. Because I know all of that to be very, very true.

But when someone calls me a liar – that in my book is going a bit too far. Everyone can be accused of “white lies”. Say when you tell someone that “Oh thank you so much for inviting us but we can’t make it to your get-together I’m afraid, as we have a previous engagement” when actually you don’t. You just wanted to make a very polite excuse to get out something without offending the other party. Everyone.. and I really DO believe.. everyone does their fair share of white lying.

You see I don’t have problems with making stupid mistakes. I AM human after all and I am NO model of perfection. Yes.. I will definitely be hurt if and when someone proclaims “God..you’re SOOO stupid! How could you DO such a thing???”. I’ll feel as if I’ve seriously let someone down. But I’ll be repentant and I’ll try to learn from that mistake and I’ll try to do better next time. Because being stupid makes me just that.. stupid. It doesn’t make me a mean person. But see.. lying, that too intentionally lying to hurt someone or even to put someone down .. that makes me out to be someone who’s extremely malicious and mean. It makes me out to be someone who has gone out of her way to trample with another person’s feelings and emotions.

Those who have known me for the past 29 years of my life can accuse me of being a LOT of things.. but they have never.. ever..  labeled me with the description above.

Maybe I should be more understanding and forgiving because the accuser in question has known me like what? Less than a year? That too, in sporadic time periods? And that it was difficult for that person to judge a situation without  witnessing it for real? But it still hurts even when I try to think it from the other person’s end. Especially since I had really looked up to that person. As someone who sees the bigger picture. Someone who at least asks for the other side of the story before reaching any conclusions. Someone who doesn’t see the world as purely black and white. Someone who knows that gray areas surely exists in this everyday struggle that we call “life”.

Well… I guess I was proven wrong. And maybe I am better off knowing the hard facts.

That perhaps who I had thought to be someone really close never did reciprocate the same feelings towards me, so I shouldn’t have expected so much of that person in the first place.

And that maybe, it’s safer to be open and free.. to be truly “you”.. with only a few people in your life. We should be so lucky to have at least one person who totally gets you.

And that perhaps “gray” is a colour that maybe only some of us can see at times.